Space in a relationship can make you feel as though things are not going well or you and your partner can’t stand each other, but space is a good thing. Believe me, it is! Having time to yourself is apart of having a well rounded healthy relationship.
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When my husband and I were dating (at the beginning stages) we used to spend ALL our time together either in person or on the phone. Now don’t get me wrong, the beginning stages of a relationship is beautiful (that’s why it’s called the honeymoon phase!). Everything is going nice and sweet, you’re on cloud nine, and nothing can go wrong.
We were getting to know each other, loved being around each other, and just enjoyed the experience of it all. As the first years past by, the honeymoon phase was starting to fade and our relationship started to feel stagnant. If we were not together, we would be on the phone. We would talk all day, and when in-person, there was little to talk about because we knew what went on in each other’s lives every second of that day. Things had gotten to the point where we both just wanted space (not a breakup just personal space) and I felt sad about it because I thought something was wrong with our relationship.
THANK GOD FOR THE PARENTALS
We were getting on each other’s nerves! The honeymoon phase was over! That was when my beloved father notice that my boyfriend (now husband) was struggling about 2 years into the relationship. My father came to me and give me a book called “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” All he said was “read it you will understand”. He didn’t give any explanation about the book. Why are Caribbean parents like that? Always speaking in codes. I read the book, and even though it is not the best book for understanding the opposite sex, it provided me with some helpful insight. If you ever get a chance to read this book. let me know your thoughts in the comments section.IS PERSONAL SPACE IN A RELATIONSHIP SELFISH?
Wanting space or needing space in a relationship may feel as though we are being selfish, but this is not the case. In reality, personal space helps us to recharge, and by doing so, we put more into ourselves, our partner, and the entire relationship.
Space does not indicate that the relationship is coming to an end or that it’s not meant to be. It is actually healthy for both people involved and will be beneficial in the long run. A lawyer friend that hubby and I met stated that the key to his 60-year marriage is “I do my thing, she does her thing, and we have our time to do things together”. My parents who have been married for 39 years always remind us to “give each other space, you don’t need to do everything together”.
WHY IS SPACE IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
It helps each person to keep their own identity
In a new relationship, your identity may get lost, because you end up doing everything your partner does and spending all your time together. You may no longer hang out with friends that you used to hang out with before the relationship, and you may no longer have separate interests. Taking time apart to keep up with things that you love and enjoy doing (before your relationship) will help preserve who you are as a person. It will help you to keep your independence and strength as opposed to making you needy and clingy. Engaging in activities independently is nothing to feel guilty about. In fact, it helps both persons involved to maintain their identity while bringing various experiences to the relationship.
It’s a good way to let go of some of the things that bother you about them
Let’s face it! We can all be annoying at some point to others, especially if we are around a particular person all the time. Giving each other space in the relationship will help you to remember all the wonderful amazing things you love about your partner, and make those annoying things insignificant.
We all need time to recharge, refocus, and regroup; but to do that space away from others is needed. Being in each other’s space at all times can become too much and even overwhelming at times. Giving yourself space and time to recharge will help the relationship in the long run and foster your independence further.
Think about your emotional needs and the emotional needs of your partner. For some, being in each other’s space constantly can make you or your partner feel smothered and take the affection and intimacy out of the relationship. With space, you will not feel emotionally exhausted and the sexual intimacy will not become desensitized.
Spending all your time together can put too much pressure on each other and cause a strain in the relationship. It is impossible to be each other’s everything. You cannot provide your partner with everything he/she needs and neither can they. This is why being independently happy (having inner happiness) is so important. Depending on your partner to make you happy will not only set you up for disappointment and create fear of abandonment or fear that you are not being good enough, but it will put a strain on the relationship. Happiness comes from within and not from someone else. The happier you are with yourself, the more fulfilling your relationship will be.
Giving each other space and doing things that make you happy will not only make you a better partner but it helps keep the relationship fresh. Spending time with friends, doing activities you love will make you feel happy in general. It encourages self-care which is needed in any relationship. Giving each other space is not a bad sign, but a sign that you both are taking care of yourself and just not each other.
BALANCE BALANCE BALANCE
Just to be clear, when I say personal space I am not referring to breaking up or spending months apart. Understanding that a relationship needs space requires communication. Communicate with each other, don’t just pull away and have your partner trying to guess if something is wrong or if the relationship is on the verge of ending. Have transparency and open communication in your relationship. This will go a long way and it will bring clarity on how much personal space is needed.Personal space can be anything from a weekend trip with friends, a spa day at home or at a spa club, going to party, chilling at a friend’s house, or anything that fosters independence and self-development. Don’t be afraid to have “me time” and encourage your partner to do the same as well.
8 Responses
I often think back to being a kid and how every Summer my BFF and I would spend every minute with each other and then every month so we’d have a giant fight. I remind myself of this when I want to strangle my husband. Sometimes you just need space even from people you love.
HAHAHAHA I love it! My husband is an extrovert and I am an introvert, so the space in the relationships works out well because he loves to be out and about while I love to be indoors :). But space is very healthy for a relationship, so that you won’t strangle your husband lol.
Every bit of this is true. Space is super vital and this is very important for couples to read!
Thanks so much, Deandra four your response, but yes it is needed for a relationship to really thrive!
Taking time for yourself every once in a while is so important! I don’t think my relationship would last without a good balance to be honest. It’s how you are stronger together instead of becoming the same person.
Lisa I agree with you 100%! Balance and space are so important in a relationship. If we do not take time to focus on ourselves from time to time and we spend every second of the day with our partners, then the result will not be good. Balance is key.
So authentic and true! We have to be happy within ourselves before we can be successful in a relationship, and that comes from being in our own space. It is all about balance. Great post!
I agree with you 100%. If we are not truly happy with ourselves, then we will have a hard time finding happiness elsewhere. We will always have to depend on others alone to make us happy and that is a recipe for disaster in relationships.